Bill's Bible Basics Blog

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INVASIVE SPECIES IDENTIFIED! DO NOT GO BAREFOOT!

If you should at any time see or encounter the creature which is shown in the accompanying photograph, do NOT make any attempt to approach it; because if you do, it may very well be the last thing that you ever do in this present life.

In particular, do NOT make any attempt to smash it with your foot! I repeat, even though you may be very tempted to do so, do NOT make any attempt to smash the creature with your foot! I cannot over-emphasize the importance of this point! Allow me to explain to you why this health advisory is being issued.

As should be rather evident by its appearance, this devilish-looking creature possesses a very hard exoskeleton. That being the case, if you were to really try smashing it with your foot, it is quite possible — and in fact, highly likely — that one of its very sharp appendages would penetrate your footwear — assuming you are wearing any — and thus pierce deeply into the flesh of your foot.

Now, my friend, this is where the REAL danger begins, so beware, and pay close attention to the following paragraphs!

You see, similar to lionfish, scorpionfish and stonefish which inhabit the Pacific Ocean — and other tropical regions of the world’s oceans — which can very seriously injure — and in rare cases even kill — a distracted diver or snorkeler who accidentally steps on them, the deadly barbs on this hideous-looking creature can ALSO inject poison into one’s bloodstream.

My friend, believe me when I tell you that it is an experience which you will never ever forget for as long as you live! That is, assuming that you even live long enough to tell the tale!

You see, the minute that poison enters your body — even worse than a rattlesnake or a black mamba bite — a fiery pain will immediately begin to expand outward and upward through your foot and leg as the venom travels through your bloodstream.

Within mere seconds, your foot and leg will turn red and begin to swell. Within a few minutes, both your foot and leg will be as swollen as an over-inflated beachball as uncontrollable muscle spasms begin to violently shake your body.

My friend, please understand that you have only a few minutes left to live. Unless you take immediate corrective action, the minute that fast-traveling venom hits your heart, you are DEAD! Guaranteed!

There is something else that you need to know about this creature. It is an ambush predator. In its natural environment, if it feels threatened, unlike many other animals, it will NOT adopt a threatening or defensive posture. Instead, it will remain absolutely still until its attacker is up close.

Then, with lightening speed, a very fast reflex and a sharp thrust — similar to a porcupine — it will expand its appendages, thus making sure that one of its lethal appendages will penetrate the body of its attacker.

The reason why you need to be aware of this ambush tactic, is so that out of your human curiosity, you don’t foolishly place your face directly in front of the creature in order to examine it more closely. You’ve been warned!

Regarding what corrective action you should take, I apologize, but I haven’t gotten to the end of the comic book yet. Sorry! In fact, at this point, I am not even certain if an antidote exists!

Now, if you have read this advisory up until this point, then I congratulate you for being the most gullible person on the planet. Well done!

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